Commitment Read online

  “What is wrong with you?” O’Brien asked her. Claire was behaving so strangely that he was beginning to wonder if perhaps she had actually lost her mind.

  “Just look out,” she repeated. “There is no place in the world I can take you right now that you are not at risk of someone recognizing you. It’s not forever, Christopher. Think of it as a new adventure,” she suggested.

  “Looking at trees and snow?” he ridiculed the suggestion sarcastically.

  “Life is all about perception. How many times do I have to tell you that? You must not have been a very stellar student,” she insulted him. “I need some time to shift your problems. I have a plan. I always have a plan,” she assured him. “Now, be a good boy and go pour us some wine. Merlot sounds perfect. I have no doubt you’ll find an ample selection in the dining room,” Claire told him.

  O’Brien smirked slightly. He was not pleased with his current circumstance, but there were advantages. He was not in a county jail cell with common thugs. He was not the center of a courtroom spectacle, and Claire was ready for some wine. Wine inevitably led to activities that would ease his tension dramatically. “So, you’ll keep me safe. I recall something about meeting all of my needs,” he breathed in her ear. “I’m feeling a bit tense,” he explained.

  Claire’s attention never deviated from the landscape outside the window. She nodded. “I’m certain you are, Christopher. Wine always helps me.” O’Brien ran his hands up Claire’s sides slowly, anticipating her usual aggressive response. Claire remained still and closed her eyes. “Wine, Christopher,” she said flatly. “Get the wine.”

  “How are you feeling?” Alex asked Cassidy. “Honestly?”

  Cassidy took a deep breath, inhaling Alex’s presence and all that came with it. She shimmied closer to her wife and let all of her stress fall away. “Relaxed,” Cassidy finally answered.

  “What happened?” Alex asked tentatively.

  Cassidy knew that the question was inevitable. They had spent a quiet day together with Dylan, opting to forego any conversations that might produce anxiety for any of them. It was time that all three were in dire need of spending together. Cassidy had fought her exhaustion for hours, admittedly avoiding any risk of deeper conversation. She toyed with Alex’s sweatshirt as a momentary distraction.

  “I passed out,” Cassidy explained.

  “I know that. Why did…”

  Cassidy pulled Alex closer and finally spoke. “Oh, Alex….I just got rundown. Not being able to keep much food down didn’t help. You were way. Dylan had a horrible week at school. Then Chris called in the middle of the night….”

  “Wait. O’Brien called here?” Alex could not believe that the congressman would have the audacity to intrude on their lives yet again.

  “He did,” Cassidy tried to speak calmly. She felt Alex’s body become rigid with anger and pulled herself up to look into Alex’s eyes. “You need to calm down,” Cassidy warned her wife. “I know you are angry and I know you are upset. I need you…”

  Alex nodded and gently pulled Cassidy back against her. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

  “His call isn’t important, Alex. He was drunk and he was feeling sorry for himself. I thought it was you when the phone buzzed. I just wanted to hear your voice. He took me completely off guard. For a minute I thought I was still sleeping,” Cassidy recalled the conversation with her ex-husband. “After I hung up….I just couldn’t sleep. With so much going on….I just needed to slow down,” Cassidy admitted. “I didn’t slow down. I was dehydrated and over tired. Dylan was shouting for me, and I ran up the stairs too quickly. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I remember feeling dizzy and then nothing until the paramedic was over me.”

  Alex stroked Cassidy’s back and placed a kiss on her head. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” she apologized.

  “You can’t be here every minute,” Cassidy stated the obvious and felt Alex’s head shaking.

  “I also can’t be away so much,” Alex voiced her realization. Cassidy didn’t want to admit that she was relieved by the statement. She wanted to support Alex fully in her career. The last week had been trying. Cassidy was beyond tired emotionally and physically, and she craved Alex’s strength. She desperately tried to respond, but words failed her.

  “Cass?” Alex called gently.

  “I want to tell you that I’m fine,” Cassidy said.

  Alex chuckled softly. “But, you’re not fine,” she said. “It’s okay, Cass. You don’t have to be.”

  “I don’t want you to feel like you have to be here taking care of me,” Cassidy said in frustration. “I don’t want to be that….”

  “Be what?” Alex asked. “Cassidy, when I heard my mother’s voice on the phone….Look, I know that you want to take care of everyone. That’s why I say you are like everyone’s mom. You are. You have to let us take care of you sometimes. You have to let me…”

  “I know.” Cassidy took a deep breath. Before she could stop herself, she confessed exactly what had been on her mind. “I needed you this week. I just needed to hear your voice. Dylan wanted to be a Toles and nothing I said seemed to make him feel better. I spent so many hours on the bathroom floor I started counting speckles in the tile. If it wasn’t Chris on the news, it was all about Russ and the embassy. I didn’t know where you were. I don’t want to do this alone,” Cassidy rattled off her thoughts like a freight train.

  “It’s okay,” Alex comforted her wife. “I know. I promise, you are not going to do any of this alone. I promise,” Alex repeated the words over and over until she felt Cassidy begin to relax. She rocked Cassidy gently and was content to allow a peaceful silence to hover.

  “Alex?” Cassidy broke the stillness.

  “Yeah?”

  “I want to do the paternity test with Jonathan. I know I should care about the consequences in the future…the lie… But I……..”

  Alex sat up against the headboard and pulled Cassidy along with her. “I agree,” she said.

  “You do?” Cassidy asked.

  “Yeah, I do. Dylan needs to feel safe. He needs to believe he is an equal part of everything. I know you are worried about keeping the truth from him. I am too, but we have to do what we believe will keep him safe, and that includes emotionally. Honestly, I think Dylan will be fine when the time comes to tell him the truth. And that time will come,” Alex said.

  “I know,” Cassidy’s voice shook.

  “Listen, Cass. Before we do that.....Things are….I don’t know how…There’s something I have to tell you,” Alex sighed.

  “Did something happen while you were gone?” Cassidy asked fearfully.

  “A lot happened, actually. Some of it might be along the lines you are thinking, but none of that is important. Jonathan and I....well, he knew for a while…I….”

  “What? Alex….you’re scaring me,” Cassidy said.

  Alex chuckled nervously. “He’s my brother, Cassidy.”

  “What are you talking about?” Cassidy said as she moved to sit up fully.

  “My father….My father is Pip’s biological father,” Alex said.

  “You’re not joking; are you?” Cassidy looked at Alex quizzically. “Alex? This is not a funny joke.”

  “It’s not a joke. He is. Jonathan Krause is my half-brother. Uncle Pip is actually, literally Dylan and Mackenzie’s uncle,” Alex explained. Cassidy’s mood immediately shifted. Alex could tell by the signature arch of her wife’s left eyebrow and the way Cassidy was struggling to conceal her smile. “What’s so funny?” Alex asked.

  “Mackenzie?” Cassidy questioned her wife. “Did Dylan bribe you while I was in the bathroom or something?”

  “No,” Alex said indignantly. “He made a lot of good points,” Alex defended her stance. Cassidy pursed her lips to stem her laughter. It amazed Cassidy how the simplest sentiment could dispel all the stress and sadness in life. Time with her family always reminded Cassidy that she was happier than she ever imagined possible; happier and completel
y in love with the woman next to her. Cassidy listened intently as Alex continued to argue Dylan’s case. “And, besides…Mackenzie will work either way. Less work for us,” Alex offered her reasoning.

  “Less work for us?” Cassidy asked curiously.

  “Well, let’s be honest. I think we both know you would rather it be a surprise. Am I right? So, either way…boy or girl, Mackenzie is it. One and done,” Alex beamed.

  “Uh-huh. What about a middle name?” Cassidy raised a new question.

  “Eh. No one needs a middle name. It’s just something your mom can use to threaten you when she’s mad. Everyone knows that,” Alex said. With that final statement Cassidy lost all desire to hold back and erupted into laughter. There were many moments when she could swear on her life that Dylan somehow came from Alex. She was certain Dylan would agree with the entire argument Alex had just waged.

  “Maybe you should have been an attorney,” Cassidy poked.

  “Does that mean we win?” Alex opened her eyes wide for effect.

  “I wasn’t aware this was a competition,” Cassidy said firmly. She watched as Alex’s excitement deflated a degree and rolled her eyes. “Yes, Alex. Mackenzie it is.”

  “Oh good,” Alex sighed. “I was worried.”

  “Worried that I wouldn’t agree?” Cassidy wondered.

  “Nah. I would have been fine with whatever you wanted,” Alex admitted. “I just hate calling him, the baby. Seems so impersonal.”

  Cassidy leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek. “Him? You are adorable,” Cassidy said as she moved her kiss to Alex’s lips.

  “Really? Adorable, huh?”

  “Yes…when you aren’t being annoying,” Cassidy tried to act serious.

  “I’m not annoying…..Am I? Cass….Am I annoying?”

  Cassidy giggled and captured Alex’s lips again. No, love. You really are adorable.”

  “So, what do you think about Pip?” Alex asked.

  Cassidy sighed. She was curious how Alex discovered that Jonathan Krause was her brother. She was even more intrigued by the possibilities that surrounded this new information. Somehow, she didn’t find it all that shocking. She looked at Alex for a moment and realized it made sense. Cassidy adored Jonathan Krause from the moment they met. She understood his feelings ran along a different path than her own. To Cassidy, her friend Pip was the big brother she never had. She placed her forehead against Alex’s and spoke softly. “I don’t want to talk about your brothers, either of them, right now,” Cassidy whispered.

  Alex felt her heart skip at the sensual tone in her wife’s voice. She had missed Cassidy. “Cass, are you sure you are up to this? I mean…” Alex felt Cassidy’s weight above her and moved her hands to Cassidy’s hips.

  “Alex, I told you. I need you. Right now I don’t want to think about siblings or parents. I don’t even want to think about Dylan or Mackenzie. I love them all. I just want you,” Cassidy implored her wife.

  Alex kissed Cassidy slowly, her hands tracing circles on Cassidy’s back. The feel of Cassidy against her caused the fear Alex had suppressed over the last day to surge like a storm. Alex’s body reacted with a shudder as she recalled the desperation she felt to get home to her family. Instinctively, she pulled Cassidy closer to her, needing to remind herself that Cassidy was safe. Cassidy felt Alex’s kiss become more insistent and pulled back slightly. “Cass?” Alex asked in concern.

  “Slow down, Alex. I’m not going anywhere,” Cassidy promised.

  “I’m not either,” Alex responded as she attempted to swallow the lump in her throat. Alex closed her eyes. Within moments, Cassidy felt another shudder pass through her wife’s body.

  “What is it?” Cassidy asked.

  Alex opened her eyes. She kissed Cassidy softly. “I want to you give you what you need. I know you want it to be just me and you….but I……”

  Cassidy suddenly understood how those hours Alex spent traveling home must have felt for her wife. She laid back down and placed her head on Alex’s chest. “Tell me.”

  Alex brushed her lips across Cassidy’s head and attempted to find the right words. “I don’t know how to explain it. First, I thought something happened to Rose, then when Mom said it was you….I thought I would…I was so afraid. She said you were all right. It wasn’t even a second…not even that long that I felt relieved and then I stopped breathing again….wondering if the baby…”

  “Oh, Alex….I’m sorry,” Cassidy said with a squeeze.

  “You are with the baby every minute. You are with Dylan every day. That’s how it works. I get it. You need just to be Cassidy. I think I get that….But, I need to…”

  “I understand.”

  “You do?” Alex asked hopefully,

  “I think so. Just hold me. Hold us. You’ll feel better,” Cassidy assured her wife.

  “I already do,” Alex said as her eyelids grew heavy. “This is much better than squishy you,” Alex grumbled.

  Cassidy snickered. “Mm….I will remember you said that in a few months.” Cassidy was ready to needle Alex some more when she realized that Alex had already drifted off to sleep. It was one of Alex’s natural abilities that Cassidy secretly envied. Alex was like an infant. She could be babbling one second and sound asleep the next. “I wonder if that’s a Toles’ trait or a Pappas’ quirk?” she mused. “What do you think, Mackenzie?” Cassidy smiled and let her own eyes fall shut. Alex’s arm was draped around her protectively, and Cassidy realized that she was truly at peace. “I love you, Alex,” she whispered as sleep finally began to claim her. She felt Alex’s embrace tighten gently. “We all love you.”

  Monday, January 26th

  “What are you doing up already?” Helen asked Alex.

  “Mom, I’m always up this early,” Alex reminded her mother.

  “I guess I just thought you would want to stay in bed this morning,” Helen said. “How is Cassidy?”

  “Resting. I think maybe I should be asking you and Rose that question,” Alex admitted with a sigh as she gratefully accepted a cup of coffee from her mother. “You know Cass,” Alex said.

  “I think I do,” Helen responded.

  “So?” Alex asked. “How is she….really?”

  Helen pursed her lips and leaned against the counter behind her. “She’s tired. It’s not easy having no control over so many things in your life,” Helen explained.

  “What do you mean?” Alex asked.

  “I mean that she has no control over most of what is happening right now. Her body is not cooperating. There’s all this craziness with Dylan’s father, and…”

  Alex finished her mother’s statement, “and I am missing in action.”

  Helen released a deep sigh. “Yes. She knows it comes with the territory,” Helen said. Alex looked at her mother with a deep sense of regret. “It does come with the territory,” Helen said flatly. “That doesn’t make it any easier.” Alex watched as her mother’s fingers played nervously over the coffee cup in her hands.

  “You called Edmond,” Alex verbalized her suspicion.

  “Yes.”

  Alex reached for her temples. “How do you know….”

  Helen looked up from her coffee cup to her daughter. “He’s your godfather, Alexis.” Alex looked at her mother in disbelief. She wiped her hand over her face as if to sweep away the entire exchange. “Why is that so surprising to you?” Helen asked pointedly. Alex bit her lip in frustration and Helen nodded. “Your father and Edmond were friends before I even met your father,” Helen explained. She watched as confusion played across her daughter’s face. “Alexis, I may not be a genius but I lived with your father for fifty years. You don’t honestly believe that I have no idea what it is that he did.”

  “He told you?” Alex asked.

  “No. He did not. My mother gave me some idea,” Helen told Alex.

  “I know I did not hear that correctly,” Alex responded.

  “Yes, you did,” Helen assured her daughter. “Do you want to have this conversati
on now?” Helen asked. Alex stared blankly at her mother. “All right then,” Helen agreed and directed Alex to sit. “You have always taken after your father….before you start arguing with me, listen. You would create challenges for yourself just to prove you could master them. Every time you mastered something you had to find another, more difficult one to overcome. Sometimes it was building bicycle ramps, other times it was in school. You were always moving. Nicky is more like me. I think that worked for you because he became a project too.”

  “Nicky is not my project.”

  “Mm-hm….he was, in the best of ways. You were able to teach him and protect him, and you thrived on that,” Helen said proudly.

  “What does that have to do with YaYa?” Alex asked in frustration.

  “Everything. One thing you have never mastered is patience,” Helen observed. Alex sighed and nodded for her mother to continue. “Jonathan is just like you,” Helen said.

  “You knew?” Alex’s voice grew cold.

  “That Jonathan was your brother? No. I didn’t. Not until I spoke with Edmond the other night. That you had a brother? Yes, Alexis, I knew.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex pleaded.

  “And what would that have accomplished?” Helen asked. “Part of me didn’t want to believe it. I suppose I thought if I ignored it, somehow it would not be true. It hurt me, Alexis; more than you can imagine.”

  “But you stayed with him,” Alex said.

  “I loved him,” Helen said. “I married him. It was my….”

  “Duty?” Alex asked.

  Helen laughed. “No, it was my choice.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” Alex admitted. “What about Dad and Edmond?”

  “They went to Harvard together,” Helen said. “They were roommates when your father was in law school. That didn’t happen by chance. Their parents ensured it.”

  “Why?” Alex asked.

  “All of our parents met during the war,” Helen said. “They served together.”

  “Grandpa Pappas and Edmond Callier’s father?” Alex asked. “Grandpa was in Greece, Mom. He didn’t serve in World War II.”